I've had a difficult few weeks, as both a mother and a freelancer. First up, my son had 'hand foot and mouth' disease - a peculiar-sounding childhood illness that isn't usually serious but manifests as a very contagious rash around those areas.
That meant time off nursery for him and as I had non-negotiable freelance work commitments, my husband - also self-employed - took the week off work to care for our son.
What we couldn't have prepared for was that his immune system would be compromised by the hand foot and mouth, leaving him at risk of becoming ill with something more serious and a week later, we were in an ambulance being 'blue lighted' to hospital with suspected meningitis or sepsis.
Thankfully, it was neither - but it was double pneumonia and required a five-day-stay on the children's ward, as he needed an oxygen mask day and night, to help him breathe. The hospital said only one parent could stay the night and we decided it would be me.
So from Tuesday until Saturday I was cooped up on a hot, stuffy, loud, strip-lit ward, with my son wrapped around me like a koala bear; unable to easily go to the toilet, let alone freelance. I didn't even request my laptop be brought in from home, as there would be no work completed on that ward.
I'm lucky that my clients are understanding and so that week's work was simply pushed to the following week. But not all jobs allow for this. Particularly not project work that's nearing deadline. And so I wondered what other parents do, when the children are ill.
Women do substantially more 'unpaid work' - chores, childcare - than men, so do they also brush work aside to care for ill children? I was keen to find out whether parents take it in turns, or if any fathers take this responsibility on fully. Also, how single parents navigate freelancing when a child is sick...
The freelance parents
Leyla Rudolph, creative editor at Fabled by Marie Claire, says: "Me and my partner are both freelance so tend to take turns if either of our children are ill. It normally works out okay as it’s likely one of us has work when the other one doesn’t and luckily, I can request to work from home with my current contract."
Yvadney Davis, kids' fashion stylist, also shares the childcare - during illness - with her husband. "we tend to take turns and look at who's deadline has the highest priority. He generally understands that if I'm on a shoot then he needs to do the care. So far, so good."
Web designer and founder of Bird on Wire Ellie Maidment is freelance, as is her husband. He works in special effects for film and TV outside of them home. "Because I’m at home," she says, "the majority of any caring falls to me. We would prefer to split it more evenly but the nature of my husband’s industry is a) long and unforgiving hours and b) leaves basically no room for flexibility of any kind. My mum (also freelance) steps in when needed but it’s lots of juggling on everyone’s part. I find it so irksome that the general assumption is that I should be able to just drop everything because I’m at home anyway."
The single freelance mums
Eirlie Chisolm, founder of ethical kids' clothing brand Overall 1516, says: "I'm a single parent. Sick children means putting work to one side to look after them, as I don’t have anybody else around to help care for them. I’m fortunate in one way that I'm self employed so I don’t feel the guilt of leaving a team a person short, however this results in me still needing to do my work, and generally sacrificing sleep time to do so, which more often then not leads to me getting unwell with exhaustion induced migraines."
Steph Dominy, founder of The Wicked Jade blog and a lawyer, says: "I'm a single mum. If I can't get Grandma or a friend to stay with the kids, I'll cancel my appointments. Most of my clients are parents themselves or otherwise understanding. They have to realise that when they hire me, this is who I am - a parent. I certainly don't try to hide it or make apologies for it."
Penny Wincer is a freelance photographer and has two school-aged children. "If I’m shooting," she says, "then I call an emergency babysitter, I have no choice because too many people are relying on me to turn up. If I’m not shooting then I work from home sitting on the sofa while my daughter gorges on films. Then I go to work for a few hours in the afternoon when the nanny arrives for her usual after school hours."
Freelance mums whose partners share the load
Jessica Fearnley is a business coach for women 'ready to work less'. "My husband and I split it based on what feels unmovable in our diaries," she explains. "He is often really good at giving priority to my client hours, as often if he can cover me for two hours in the morning I can cover him for the rest of the day. But although he works long hours, he works locally and can usually switch to working at home if needed. It’s important to me that I’m not expected to just drop everything and take the hit though. We are 50/50 on a lot of childcare stuff despite him working more hours than me."
Emma Grant founder of recently-launched Binibamba, says: "it’s one big tag teaming marathon but we do try and share the brunt of those moments where you think ‘oh no... what am I going to do’. And since I’ve started my business, working only three days (when it could easily be a seven-day a weeker) my hubby has been fab!"
Charlotte Grey, founder of Emily Gray Photography, does the majority of the childcare but her husband is able to stand in when there is no other option. "Occasionally when it’s been a shoot I can’t cancel my husband will take a parental leave day. He works for the NHS in a tiny but important team so I appreciate it’s not easy for him to take the time off but I also think he has the luxury of not having to consider it most of the time and so is often hesitant to be 'absent'."
Freelance mums whose partners can't help
Becky Edwards, founder of Mother Like No Other, says: "I have to stop everything I’m doing and care for the girls. We have no childcare close by so everything I do has to stop. I explain to customers and as they are generally mums too, they are usually very supportive. My partner isn't able to help during the day as he works full-time"
Freelance copywriter Kate Lucas is married to a pilot, so he's away a lot. "I went freelance precisely to have the flexibility to cope with situations like poorly children," she says. "We have no family nearby so when they’re off school I juggle. I work at home mostly so they snuggle with me on the sofa whilst I tap away at my laptop and on the rare occasions they were seriously ill, my clients have all been totally understanding and lovely."
Lucas adds that she has friends who are willing to help out with the children who aren't ill - picking them up from school, dropping off bread and milk.
If you're a freelance mum, how do you navigate kids and illness?
