Can Biden escape 'creepy Uncle Joe'?

Measles. Tons of human feces. An alleged "big slow kiss." It's all in Monday's Short List. 

But first, a reminder: Pollution is the worst. A pregnant sperm whale found dead in Italy had nearly 50 pounds of plastic in her stomach.  

Joe Biden and an alleged 'slow kiss'

A woman whose photo with Joe Biden has been used to claim the former vice president has a history of inappropriately touching women came to his defense as the claims threatened his anticipated presidential campaign. Photographers captured Biden's face pressed close behind Stephanie Carter's right ear during a Pentagon ceremony in 2015. Critics used that image to depict Biden as "creepy Uncle Joe" on social media and in memes. "The Joe Biden in my picture is a close friend helping someone get through a big day, for which I will always be grateful," Carter, the wife of ex-Defense Secretary Ash Carter, said Sunday. That same day, Biden released a statement saying he doesn't think he's "acted inappropriately." Lucy Flores, a former Nevada assemblywoman, alleged Friday that Biden smelled her hair and gave her a "big slow kiss on the back of my head" at a rally in 2014.

'Staggering' waves of migrants prompt Trump to threaten drastic actions

President Donald Trump plans to cut off millions of dollars in aid to Central American nations whose migrants are U.S.-bound, and he threatened to seal off the entire southern border. In Texas, migrants cross in unprecedented numbers, overwhelming federal facilities and leaders. “It’s staggering,” McAllen City Manager Roy Rodriguez said. That's happening as the United States tries to renegotiate its trade agreement with Mexico and Canada. Here's a breakdown of what's happening at the southern border.

Real quick 

• Rapper Nipsey Hussle was fatally shot in front of his clothing store Sunday, bringing a unique yet all too familiar sense of hurt to Los Angeles.
• Warming seas threaten dolphins, and a new study suggests scorching seawater could wreak havoc on the animals.
• A treatment for deadly blood cancers shows early signs of promise against some solid tumors. 
• A 12-foot alligator was spotted near an office in – where else? –Florida. The thing weighs nearly 750 pounds. 
• An hour a week of physical activity can fend off disability, a new study says.

Our biggest airlines brought down by a computer bug

Planes from airlines including Southwest, American and Delta were temporarily grounded Monday because of a computer outage. If you’re traveling Monday, you can expect lingering delays as airlines catch up. The issues were caused by a program that provides weight-and-balance information needed to grant clearance for takeoff, the Federal Aviation Administration said. Passengers complaining about the delays on Twitter said they were told it was a pilot paperwork issue.

Measles (yes, measles) is back

An entirely preventable disease is closing in on a record number of cases, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention said. Amid an anti-vaccination movement that persists despite debunked threats from the vaccine, the CDC said 387 measles cases were confirmed from Jan. 1 to March 28 across 15 states, an increase of 73 cases last week alone. It’s gotten so bad in New York that one county declared a state of emergency, citing more than 150 measles cases. The county barred unvaccinated youths under 18 from public places for 30 days. 

Human feces – 66 tons – thaw out in Alaska

There’s good news and bad news at Denali, North America’s tallest mountain. The bad news is that the 66 tons of frozen feces left by climbers on the Alaska summit is expected to melt out of the glacier in the coming decades, potentially as soon as this summer, a process that’s speeding up in part because of global warming. The good news is that this year, for the first time, the guide companies that lead many of the 1,200 climbers who attempt the summit each year voluntarily decided to start packing out their ... you get it. 

Kirk Bado chipped in on this compilation of stories from across the USA TODAY Network. Want this snappy news roundup right in your inbox every night? Sign up for "The Short List" newsletter here.