There’s actually a huge benefit to having sick kids

The good news for parents of young kids is you will live longer — if they don’t kill you first, that is.

One of the little-mentioned ‘bonuses’ to being the parent of small children, is the bacteria buffet they bring with them. It’s a veritable viral smorgasbord and no amount of Dettol wipes can combat it.

Because when they come home from nursery or primary school, along with the paintings and craft you get a free gift of gastro, flu and hand foot and mouth disease. The first time you realise they’ve caught head lice is really something special.

But nits will prove to be the least of your worries. As the mother of two under-fives, this year alone, I have been floored by the flu, smashed by scarlet fever turned strep throat and hammered by gastro.

On the plus side, I have had several duvet days, albeit vomiting ones. Nice to put your feet up and that. And being constantly sick is a terrific way of keeping your weight down. Who needs to go jogging when you can run to the loo.

I have never been as ill in my life as I have been since becoming a mum. I spent decades without having to see a doctor and the only time I got sick was when I’d overdone it on the red wine. Which wasn’t often. Well, not every day.

So I was pleased to read that this permanent state of sickness is actually doing me some good. In fact, scientists claim that people with kids will live longer than those who are childless. I wasn’t pleased to read that about childless people obviously, because that is bit harsh, but then maybe they will have had a nicer life anyway because they won’t have had their heads stuck down a toilet bowl for half of it.

Apparently, when kids bring back their barrage of infections, it gives their parents’ immune systems a boost, which would ordinarily be weakening as we age.

The new study The Parental Co-immunisation Hypothesis, by scientists Miguel Portela and Paul Schweinzer, shows parents have significantly lower risks of dying from infection than those without children. “A parent’s immune system is refreshed by a child’s infections at a time when their own protection starts wearing thin,” they conclude.

“With this boosted immune system, the parent has a better chance to fend off whatever infections might strike when old and weak.”

What happens if you’re an older parent, they don’t say, but I’m hoping this proves the elixir of life and not something that is about to finish me off once and for all.

Presumably it works the same for anyone in professions where small children are likely to sneeze on them — doctors, nurses, teachers and child-carers — who all get exposed to lurgies every day of their working life.

And for anyone who is childless and feeling a bit ripped off by this, just head to your local soft play centre and lick a play mat. You will probably get arrested, lose all your friends and be sick for weeks, but think of it as a long-term investment.

@KerryParnell